We covered the basics in the first 10 tips, but here are the five most common corrections I make on my students’ essays. You might think the “drafts” sound silly, but they are taken almost word for word (with some changes made to anonymize them) from real essay drafts I’ve been given to work on over the past 2 years.

The revised versions aren’t complete essay or short answer responses – they’re juuuust enough to help you understand the changes that need to be made to correct each of these five errors.

1. Answer the question.

Seems obvious, but nearly all of the first drafts that I read don’t answer the question that was asked in the prompt. Some examples….

Prompt: Why do you want to go to Fabulous University?

Draft: Fabulous University is a large campus in a diverse urban setting with lots of great research opportunities.

This draft doesn’t answer the question because it doesn’t address why you want to go to this university.

Answering the question: Fabulous University will connect me with the top mouse trap analysts in the international business district of Capital City, which will allow me to pursue my dream of finally building the best mouse trap.

This revision does answer the question because it focuses on the characteristics of Fabulous University that make you want to go attend.

Prompt: Describe a summer activity that has had an impact on you.

Draft: This summer, I went on a trip to build wells in Honduras.  Life in Honduras is very different than my life back home.  I learned a lot and was happy to help people.

This draft doesn’t answer the question because it doesn’t address what you really did or what impact it had on you!

Answering the question: This summer, I built wells in Honduras. While learning how to dig and manage irrigation (and the sore muscles that came with it), I also developed an appreciation for baleadas, late nights of silly conversation with my host family, and how small our world really is.  Not only do I want to continue helping in Honduras, but I also view the simple necessities of everyday life with a new appreciation and now want to help curb food and water waste back in the USA.

This revision does answer the question because it tells what you did, the immediate impact it had on you, and the impact it had on “future you”.

 

2. Write about you.

I know you love your friends-family-dog-teacher-tutor-ice cream truck driver, but this essay is for your admission to college.  Is the most important thing about you…your friends?  For example..

Prompt: Discuss a peer who has made an impact on your life.

Draft: My friend Ralph is the smartest guy I know! He gets all A’s without even trying, and he is the captain of the football game.  He is never to busy to return my texts when I need help.

This draft doesn’t answer the question because the prompt isn’t a sales pitch for Ralph – it’s about the impact Ralph has made on your life.

Writing about you: My friend Ralph is the smartest guy I know! He gets all A’s without even trying, which has inspired me since 8th grade to study harder after school and stay involved in class discussions. His leadership as captain of the football team drove me to run for class President – I can’t throw a perfect spiral, but I can definitely promote school spirit and unity, as I did when I led the Junior class in its highest grossing bake sale ever.

This revision does answer the question because it focuses on what Ralph’s inspiration has brought to your life.

Prompt: Describe the environment in which you were raised and the impact it had on you.

Draft: My parents, who are both from Jupiter, really motivate me to do well.  They have worked hard to become Earthlings and they still work long hours. Parents on Jupiter don’t stay home with their children or cook meals for them. Jupiter is far from Earth, and very cold.

This draft doesn’t answer the question because it just talks about your parents.

Writing about you: My parents, who are both from Jupiter, really motivate me to succeed in school and at my after-school internship at a mechanic shop.  Seeing them work hard to become Earthlings has taught me that anything is possible with perseverance, so I continue to work on learning everything about Volkswagen engines even though the details can get confusing.

This revision does answer the question because it tells what you have taken from your parents’ example.  More than 50% of the words are about you.

 

3. Get to the point.

Let’s just get to the point with this one.

Prompt: What is the most challenging issue in today’s society?

Draft: As a society, we face many challenging issues and the challenges that come along with these difficult problems.  In today’s world, there are many issues and conflicts.  Conflicts need to be solved in order for there to be a resolution.  I think we need to find a way for cats and dogs to get along or things will still be bad.  If we don’t solve this problem it will be unsolved.

This draft doesn’t answer the question because only 1 out of the 5 sentences even says anything useful (it’s the one about cats and dogs).  The others are filler that have no place in any of your college essays, regardless of the word count.

Get to the point: Cats and dogs need to be taught to get along so that the chaotic destruction of homes and neighborhoods from needless interspecies prejudice can finally end.  If we do not promote successful canine-feline conflict resolution, the divorce rate will continue to climb, tearing families apart, as it has been proven that cats and dogs cannot currently live under the same roof without strong communication skills.

This revision does answer the question because it states the problem, the impact, and a potential solution.  Most importantly, there are NO wasted (filler) or redundant (repetitive) sentences.

 

4. Be concrete.

I think these will be the words on my tombstone, I’ve said them so many times!  Essay readers aren’t mind readers, and you can’t assume they will just “figure it out”.  It is your job as the writer to explicitly state what you want the reader to know – you have to paint the entire picture for them.

Prompt: What will you contribute to the Fabulous University community?

Draft: I enjoy a wide range of academic and scholastic learning activities. I am looking forward to the great opportunities to participate in clubs and groups and meet new people.  The research and internship opportunities at Fabulous University will allow me to explore my interests.

This draft isn’t concrete because there is no specific information in this response! What are the academic activities you enjoy – and what will that mean for you at college? Which clubs do you look forward to joining, and why? What will you research or intern in?  You don’t have to be right, you just have to be specific about what you think you might do – and what will show off your talents and interests.

Being Concrete: My ant farming classes at Fabulous University will be a unique opportunity to use my Honors Biology knowledge to research new ant farming techniques under the supervision of top ant colony experts. The world-class underwater basket weaving club will

This revision is concrete because it tells the reader specific things that you hope to do at their college – they get to know about you, and they also know that you care enough about attending their school to have at least Googled some school-specific facts.

Prompt: Describe an activity that has had an impact on you.

Draft: My youth group is like my second family.  We motivate each other to be our best.  Even when I don’t feel like trying, they encourage me to keep going. I enjoy completing service activities and helping others with my youth group because it makes an impact on the world.

This draft isn’t concrete because because the reader does not know what service activities you’re doing, what the impact you hope to make is, or what impact your service has had on you! Faith-related activities are very hard to include in college essays because they are notoriously abstract – after all, that’s a big part of the nature of faith! Let’s rewrite and see how to talk about the same youth group experience in a way that will serve your college application.

Being Concrete: Gratitude helps me stay positive and appreciate the smallest details of my life – the neon sunrise, the lunch my mother still packs for me, and the smiles on my friends’ faces when we see each other on Monday morning after a weekend apart. Volunteering at a nursing home for Alzheimer’s patients taught me to be grateful for everything I have. Even when I feel like my contributions of company for a jigsaw puzzle or listening to a story are miniscule, the patients are always so happy for the time I spend with them.

This revision is concrete because it gives details about the impact volunteering has on you, what you do as a volunteer, and how it affects the people you are serving.  Since the essay is about you (right??), your college doesn’t necessarily need the details about your youth group – unless those details contribute something to your specific story for this essay.

 

5. Read what you’ve written.

Before you hand your essay off to someone else for feedback, read it.

I know you worked really hard, and that you’re sure this is your best work.  Read it once anyway, just in case.

That spot in paragraph 2 where you deleted half of your sentence and said you’d finish it later? Still missing words.

You were going to check if you need to use “then” or “than”? Let’s fix that up.

These essays are your best snapshots of yourself. If you wouldn’t post a selfie with spinach on your tooth, you shouldn’t send off an essay that you haven’t read.

Does your essay make sense to someone who isn’t you?

Are there obvious mistakes that you know how to correct?

Is this all your best work, really?

I know when I get an essay that the student hasn’t ever read because…

• It’s totally repetitive and/or all filler – if you don’t want to read it because it’s all filler, guess how your college admissions crew will feel!?
• It contains at least two of the other four mistakes listed on this page
• Something obvious, like the school’s name, is misspelled OR the essay contains the wrong school’s name because the student has been copying and pasting
• The essay’s energy level is on life support – it feels like it was written just to appease someone, rather than because the student is actually excited to go to college

There’s no correction for this one – just read your essay before you ask someone else to look at it. All geniuses need editors.